A place for the things
you've never said out loud.

fears about getting older

I don’t tell anyone how often I think about getting older. Sometimes a random ache or headache is enough to make me panic inside. I act normal, but the truth is I’m scared of time moving too fast — scared of losing people, losing myself, and eventually disappearing. I wish I could enjoy life without constantly being reminded that it won’t last forever.

I don’t tell anyone how often I think about getting older. Sometimes a random ache or headache is enough to make me panic inside. I act normal, but the truth is I’m scared of time moving too fast — scared of losing people, losing myself, and eventually disappearing. I wish I could enjoy life without constantly being reminded that it won’t last forever.

crying over my mom's disappointment

I'm 38 and I still cry when my mom is disappointed in me. Not always. Last Sunday, in my car, before I drove home.

feeling something i can't name

I went to my sister's house for dinner last night and I left feeling something I don't have a word for.

my dog is going to die

My dog is going to die soon and I do not know how to keep being a person after that.

lying on my mortgage application

I lied on my mortgage application. The mortgage is approved. I am terrified every time I open the mail.

eating my daughter's birthday cake

I ate the last piece of my daughter's birthday cake at 11pm and told her in the morning that her dad must have.

panic attack at a party

I had a panic attack at my niece's birthday party and locked myself in the bathroom and told everyone I had food poisoning.

writing a card for her

On our anniversary I wrote her a beautiful card. I almost didn't mean any of it. I just knew what would land.

reading his texts at night

I read his texts last night while he was sleeping. There was nothing to find. I'm the bad person here.

my half-sister in the city

I have a half-sister I've never met. My father doesn't know I know. She lives in the same city as me.

lying about my vaccination status

I lied to my mother about being vaccinated. I love her too much to argue with her.

an affair she doesn't know about

I cheated on her at a conference and she has no idea. I don't even know why I did it. I wasn't unhappy.

keeping my dad's number

My dad died eight years ago and I still have his number in my phone. I called it once last year. It belongs to a woman named Patricia now.

a teacher's words still hurt

Twenty-six years ago a teacher told me I wasn't a writer. I still hate her. I haven't written anything in twenty-six years.

regret about that night

I let her walk home alone that night. I was tired. She was fine. I have thought about it once a week for thirteen years.

considering going back to therapy

I think I might need to go back to therapy and the thought of having to start over with someone new is the only thing keeping me from going.

unfollowing a happy friend

I unfollowed my college friend last year because her happiness made me feel small.

ocd and intrusive thoughts

I have OCD I have never told anyone about. The intrusive thoughts about my children are the worst part. I would never act on them. They scare me anyway.

leaving my team for money

I love my team and I'm leaving in two weeks for more money and I haven't told them yet.

a question i couldn't answer

My grandfather asked me one question before he died and I gave him a stupid answer because I was tired. I will never know what he wanted me to say.

not undressing in two years

I have not let my partner see me fully undressed in almost two years.

changing political parties secretly

I changed political parties last election and I let my dad think I voted the way I always have. He is in his eighties. There is no point in the argument.

only telling part of the truth

I tell my therapist 80% of the truth. I don't think I'm capable of the rest of it yet.

proud of my daughter's graduation

My daughter graduated yesterday. I have never been so proud of anyone.

lying about my salary

I make twice what my best friend makes and I have started lying about my salary to make her feel less bad.

loving time alone at home

I love being alone in my house. I love it more than almost anything. I have never told my family this.

letting coworker take credit

I let my coworker take credit for my idea because she's been having a rough month and I have not.

struggling with mother's criticism

My mother's love language is criticism. I am 47 years old and I still have not figured out how to receive it.

anger about unspoken things

I love my parents and they did their best and I am still angry about a hundred things that they don't even know happened.